Gratitude of Attitude

“People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.” John C. Maxwell

Our culture has an affinity for catch phrases, slogans, buzzwords and tag lines. Whether they define a company or part of a mission statement of an institution, these mottos and mantras are designed to associate meaning and reflect purpose that directly identifies these companies and institutions with a desired personification. They are the representation of who they are and the values that they promote. People, like companies and institutions, are similarly defined by personal axioms, albeit not those that are affixed to our bumpers or refrigerators nor appear on our business cards or letterheads. Rather, it is our attitudes that establish who we are and how we are viewed by others.

Thomas Jefferson once remarked, “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” Much can and should be said about the manner in which we think, and how our attitudes are entirely founded upon our thoughts and perceptions. Through my coursework, certification process and experiences employing CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), I have gained great insight to the inner workings of the mind and how essential a positive attitude is in life in general and education in particular.

Dr. Ben Martin who has written on matters of depression, ADHD, anxiety and several other areas of human behavior, defines CBT as, “a short-term, goal-oriented psychotherapy treatment that takes a hands-on, practical approach to problem-solving. Its goal is to change patterns of thinking or behavior that are behind people’s difficulties, and so change the way they feel … CBT works by changing people’s attitudes and their behavior by focusing on the thoughts, images, beliefs and attitudes that we hold (our cognitive processes) and how this relates to the way we behave, as a way of dealing with emotional problems.” It is troubling, however, that such “treatment” is reserved to just that, treatment. I would propose that we would all infinitely gain and deeply appreciate a taste of CBT, and, furthermore, so would our schools.

It is indeed our culture that has created the phrase “attitude of gratitude.” Yet, gratitude is not the only attitude we desperately need to nurture among our youth population (and adult), though it certainly is one of the more vital virtues. Our attitudes require an entire overhaul. Albert Einstein was astute in his observation when he said, “Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.” Our attitudes are the foundation of our character, and if we wish to help develop and support our students’ positive character, then we must dedicate more time to address them.

Hans Selye, the Hungarian-born endocrinologist who spent a lifetime researching the phenomenon of stress, remarked, “Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one.” Particularly in an age where anxiety is rampant, we must place more attention on producing resilient students with strong, positive attitudes. We must “stress” the importance of building quality attitudes, primarily through proper modeling. We must highlight how crucial a positive attitude is. And how grateful we must be when we have achieved one for then we would have established the most distinguished and fulfilling slogans for ourselves.

“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.” Winston Churchill

A Culture of Passion

"Develop a passion for learning. If you do, you will never cease to grow." Anthony J. D'Angelo

Educators are firm believers of continued education - by nature and by design. If our general mission statement is to enhance our students' lives by presenting and engaging them in information, discussions, experiences and interactions to develop and furnish them with the knowledge, skills and tools to participate in and contribute to society around them, then we, too, should be equally involved in such a worthwhile and beneficial experience. This year, I have the great fortune of taking part in a wonderful program for educational leaders, YU Lead. Working with other leaders from around the country, I have an opportunity for continued learning, focused on topics that are so vital in today's educational system.

One of the requirements of the program is to detail, develop and address a particular area of personal growth as a school leader. I have chosen to focus on the ability to craft and direct positive school culture among all stakeholders - students, staff and parents. While this task appears to be quite a challenging undertaking, the benefits of an overwhelmingly positive school culture serve as the very foundation for all progress and success. And although a school may already possess a wonderful culture and atmosphere, there is always room for growth.

There are several components of a school's culture that must be considered in forming an approach to bolster it. One particular buzzword that I believe must be part and parcel of its culture is passion. Students must be passionate about their learning and growth, teachers must be passionate about their students, subjects and engagement, and parents must be passionate and positive about their school's role in their children's lives and its meaningfulness as a force in the identity of their community. The question is, however, how do we encourage, support and promote passion? Where does passion derive from, and how can we cultivate more of it?

According to a recent study in the Journal of Neuroscience, the part of the brain that is activated during motivated activities is called the ventral striatum, and it works in concert with the amygdala, the brain’s emotional hub. Researchers observed that the ventral striatum was activated in proportion to how motivated a person felt - the higher the degree of motivation, the higher the activation level. Following the concept of neuroplasticity, namely the ability to rewire our brains using behavior, we have the power to motivate ourselves by finding passion in life through our actions and our choice of behavior. Malini Mohana, a psychology graduate from the University of Cape Town, South Africa and researcher in neuropsychology, suggests that there are three key elements in self-motivation and building passion: finding the area for which you have a natural affinity, rejecting complacency, and asking the ‘why’ question. Perhaps, these are factors to utilize while moving forward in advancing school culture.

I hope to continue posting on the topic of school culture over the course of the next several months with reflections, experiences and details of progress.

"You can do anything as long as you have the passion, the drive, the focus, and the support." Sabrina Bryan

Giving Thumbs Up Without Our Thumbs

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” - Winston Churchill

We live in the age of the “Like.” One would imagine, therefore, that we may feel more prone to sharing positive feedback with others while feeling happier ourselves. In a study conducted by Dr. Larry Rosen concerning Facebook’s “Like” button, 52% of the teenage Facebook users of the iGeneration (born in the 1990s) clicked “Like” daily or even several times a day. The Net Generation young adults were a close second with 45%, followed closely by 32% of Gen Xers, and 24% of Baby Boomers. It appears that Facebook users of all ages enjoy using the “Like” button, although it is more popular among younger users. Seemingly, we should be able to determine that our generation of youth would be more vibrant, positive and happy due to all the “liking” they do.

In their introduction to the book Parenting Teens with Love and Logic, internationally recognized psychiatrist Dr. Foster Cline and Jim Fay, one of America’s top educational consultants and a past school principal, write, “Research tells us that the levels of clinical depression in high schools now are similar to what they were in mental health institutions in the 1950s (roughly one in four show such symptoms).” Apparently, there is a sharp discrepancy between receiving a “Like” and truly feeling liked. Perhaps, a sense of acceptance and joy cannot be achieved wholesomely through social media.

Dr. Shelly Turkle, author of the book Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other and Professor of the Social Studies of Science and Technology at MIT, describes the exhaustion felt by teenagers as they constantly tweak their Facebook profiles for maximum cool effect. Dr. Turkle calls this "presentation anxiety," and suggests that the site's element of constant performance creates an environment where people feel alienated from themselves. With the overwhelming results from an array of studies conducted on the topic, therefore, we must question where teens in particular can find true happiness.

In an Atlantic Magazine article, Dr. Moira Burke, a research scientist at Facebook and a recent Ph.D. from Carnegie Mellon University, states, “People who received composed communication became less lonely, while people who received one-click communication experienced no change in loneliness.” Clearly, people respond positively with more substantial communications. Conversely, as Dr. Turkle determines, “The ties we form through the Internet are not, in the end, the ties that bind. But they are the ties that preoccupy.” We benefit infinitely greater from personal connections built upon meaningful interactions.

How do we bolster such connections within our teenage population? How do we encourage significant and lasting relationships when we are all engaged in digital communications at the same time?

Perhaps, one way in supporting our teens is by strengthening their and our positive self-talk and the manner in which we all problem solve. Dr. Tal Ben Shahar, a leading authority in the realm of positive psychology, states, “We maintain that it’s very important to fix things, but no less important also to look at the other part of the situation, at what is working. Cultivating what works, our strengths, our sense of meaning, acts as a preventative. We become far more resilient and are able to cope with what does not work.” I find it troubling that when I consistently approach students to share one form of positive feedback or another, their first response is, “What did I do wrong? I didn’t do anything.” Why does it appear that are our teenagers expect negativity? Is it not clear that they desperately seek to amass “Likes,” yet have a poor sense of self-worth and esteem?

Those who interact with teens have an especially colossal responsibility in building their emotional stability and well-being. In an age where a “Like” clearly does nothing to truly enhance their lives, we must all - teens and adults alike - learn to support one another with valuable, meaningful and thoughtful positive communications. As Dr. Shahar explains at length, we must look at what is going right, but furthermore, we must instill that skill in our students. We must show them all they can do right rather than point out what they have done wrong. If we are to raise a healthy generation of young adults, we must work on nurturing positive environments and inculcating positive habits and thoughts for our teens who are starving for them.

“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.” - Willie Nelson

Improvement Movement

“If you have a positive attitude and constantly strive to give your best effort, eventually you will overcome your immediate problems and find you are ready for greater challenges.” - Pat Riley

People often view the opening weeks of a new school year as challenging. Aside from the normal hurdles one requires to overcome, it coincides with a host of Jewish holidays, commencing with Rosh Hashana, the New Year. Standing at the threshold of what we anticipate to be another successful year of academic and personal growth, we are met with the most inconsistent school schedules possible. Between Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur and Succos, it feels to many that the month of September is primarily spent in shul rather than school.

Perhaps the most encouraging moments during this time is the sounding of the shofar. Its fleeting, yet powerful sound is designed to resonate within our hearts and souls, awakening us to contemplate our deeds of the past year in self-reflection and sincere penitence. Yet, this past week granted me an even deeper understanding, one that brought incredible insight into this meaningful custom. While I am unfortunately not well-trained in blowing the shofar, I had no choice but to step into the role this year. Before the very first time attempted to blow the shofar, I prefaced it in front of tahe Middle School that they should not expect a promising performance. Thankfully enough, however, I managed to go a few days with relative success.

This past week, however, there was one particular day in which I simply could not produce a single sound. The moments passed, I continued with all my might, yet to no avail. Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, I managed to sound the shofar properly. As I placed the shofar on a chair, I picked up the microphone, and shared the thought I had while trying to blow the shofar with the students.

“While I stood here trying to fulfill the custom of blowing the shofar, I was quickly reminded how we each have our strengths and weaknesses. Clearly, blowing the shofar is not a skill I possess. And that is just perfectly fine. It makes me think how I have to work on it. How I have to practice. This is the message I can learn in this month of Elul. I can use this moment to reflect on the areas I must still work on; the areas of weakness that I must focus more on this year. We can all use this as an opportunity to consider what we need to improve in preparation for Rosh Hashana.”

As the martial arts superstar, Tony Jaa, correctly asserted, "Never be afraid to fail. Failure is only a stepping stone to improvement." Failure is part of life, yet so is improvement. I was thankful for the chance to fail so that I could be reminded of yet another area I must improve in the days and months ahead, G-D willing. By embracing failure, we recognize our humanity, bringing us closer to a greater understanding and meaning in life. We must never be ashamed of our shortcomings, rather they should inspire and motivate us to continue growing.

What a powerful way to being the new school year in Middle School - by creating an improvement movement.

“Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence.” - Vince Lombardi

Complementary Compliments

Complementary - "combining in such a way as to enhance or emphasize the qualities of each other or another" 
Complimentary - "expressing a compliment; praising or approving; given or supplied free of charge"

"I can live for two months on a good compliment." - Mark Twain
"The highest compliment that you can pay me is to say that I work hard every day." - Wayne Gretzky

Life in Middle School is hard work. Students arrive earlier and leave later, and somehow, recess time simply does not feel the same as it used to in Lower School. All these years students only had to remember two teachers’ names, but now all of a sudden, 6th graders now need to have an entire directory of names, classes and locations on file. And while lockers are wonderful, students wonder, "I'm supposed to fit everything into this?!"
Within a few weeks, this life-altering transition is over, and 6th graders become comfortably entrenched in Middle School life. There is, however, one component that we often associate with Lower School life that can never fade into early adolescence - that deep sense of self-pride and self-worth. While the academic rigor increases substantially, Middle School must retain the warmth and encouragement that is characterized by the earlier grades.
Unfortunately, Middle School tends to be a feeding ground for anxiety and uncertainty for many. With the increasing amount of responsibilities, multiplication of exams and due dates, and heightened consciousness of academic success, students can often feel inadequate or unsure of their skills and abilities. They quickly become nervous if they will get those coveted grades they believe everyone seeks. It becomes our responsibility, therefore, to not only assist students academically, but to demonstrate our support through compliments and positive reinforcement. The question is, though, which compliments to choose.
Dr. Carol Dweck in her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success writes, “'Did I win? Did I lose?' Those are the wrong questions. The correct question is: 'Did I make my best effort?' If so, he says, 'You may be outscored but you will never lose.'” It is remarkable how far students will thrive when they are driven by the pleasure of the process rather than the results alone. If we restrict compliments merely to those who earn the “A” at the end of a unit, we will have completely disregarded the efforts put forth by countless students. However, if we are committed to empower every student to feel a sense of success, we must utilize other forms of compliments along the way.
When we create an environment of appropriate compliments, we are essentially building a culture of complementary members. By highlighting the efforts of one another, we each grow and share the positive energy. In doing so, the Middle School will no longer be a narrow place of tests, report cards and responsibilities, rather an expansive home of fulfillment and self-appreciation.
Life in Middle School is hard work, but we should enjoy the challenge.

"You're not going to be great at everything. Surround yourself with people that can compliment you so you can work together and then everybody can be successful." - Jonathan Tisch

Here Comes the Sun

"The Wind and the Sun were disputing which was the stronger. Suddenly they saw a traveler coming down the road, and the Sun said: “I see a way to decide our dispute. Whichever of us can cause that traveler to take off his cloak shall be regarded as the stronger. You begin.” So the Sun retired behind a cloud, and the Wind began to blow as hard as it could upon the traveler. But the harder he blew the more closely did the traveler wrap his cloak round him, till at last the Wind had to give up in despair. Then the Sun came out and shone in all his glory upon the traveler, who soon found it too hot to walk with his cloak on."
This ancient Greek fable perfectly portrays two distinctly different methods of interpersonal styles that people demonstrate in a wide range of scenarios. Whether at home, at work or at school, the Wind and Sun personify diametrically opposite approaches in the manner in which people attempt to achieve what they want. And while the Wind may even at times accomplish its goal, it certainly will not be actualized with warmth. Furthermore, it may produce a sense of animosity that will ultimately undermine the very objective it sought.
The lasting impression an educator has upon his/her students is truly priceless, and perhaps only secondary to one’s parents. In fact, a child’s future can often be set into motion due to a relationship with or statement made by a teacher. This unique power educators possess helps create the fate of students’ lives each and every day. In a Middle School environment in particular, where students deeply and infinitely thrive on positive, meaningful and inspirational relationships in their transition between the "little leagues" and the "majors," it is essential for educators to be fully cognizant in their choice of words and vigilant in their mode of conduct to be the Sun. Warmth and patience are indispensable tools that must always be employed.
The Mishna in Pirkei Avos teaches us that we must greet each person with a warm and joyous countenance. This is undoubtedly an imperative for this age. In the Middle School, we change lives with our smiles. With our encouragement and support, we make a timeless impression that will forever be etched into the memories and character of each student that we encounter.
“Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and I say it’s all right. Sun, sun, sun, here it comes.”