Complementary Compliments

Complementary - "combining in such a way as to enhance or emphasize the qualities of each other or another" 
Complimentary - "expressing a compliment; praising or approving; given or supplied free of charge"

"I can live for two months on a good compliment." - Mark Twain
"The highest compliment that you can pay me is to say that I work hard every day." - Wayne Gretzky

Life in Middle School is hard work. Students arrive earlier and leave later, and somehow, recess time simply does not feel the same as it used to in Lower School. All these years students only had to remember two teachers’ names, but now all of a sudden, 6th graders now need to have an entire directory of names, classes and locations on file. And while lockers are wonderful, students wonder, "I'm supposed to fit everything into this?!"
Within a few weeks, this life-altering transition is over, and 6th graders become comfortably entrenched in Middle School life. There is, however, one component that we often associate with Lower School life that can never fade into early adolescence - that deep sense of self-pride and self-worth. While the academic rigor increases substantially, Middle School must retain the warmth and encouragement that is characterized by the earlier grades.
Unfortunately, Middle School tends to be a feeding ground for anxiety and uncertainty for many. With the increasing amount of responsibilities, multiplication of exams and due dates, and heightened consciousness of academic success, students can often feel inadequate or unsure of their skills and abilities. They quickly become nervous if they will get those coveted grades they believe everyone seeks. It becomes our responsibility, therefore, to not only assist students academically, but to demonstrate our support through compliments and positive reinforcement. The question is, though, which compliments to choose.
Dr. Carol Dweck in her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success writes, “'Did I win? Did I lose?' Those are the wrong questions. The correct question is: 'Did I make my best effort?' If so, he says, 'You may be outscored but you will never lose.'” It is remarkable how far students will thrive when they are driven by the pleasure of the process rather than the results alone. If we restrict compliments merely to those who earn the “A” at the end of a unit, we will have completely disregarded the efforts put forth by countless students. However, if we are committed to empower every student to feel a sense of success, we must utilize other forms of compliments along the way.
When we create an environment of appropriate compliments, we are essentially building a culture of complementary members. By highlighting the efforts of one another, we each grow and share the positive energy. In doing so, the Middle School will no longer be a narrow place of tests, report cards and responsibilities, rather an expansive home of fulfillment and self-appreciation.
Life in Middle School is hard work, but we should enjoy the challenge.

"You're not going to be great at everything. Surround yourself with people that can compliment you so you can work together and then everybody can be successful." - Jonathan Tisch