Gratitude of Attitude

“People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.” John C. Maxwell

Our culture has an affinity for catch phrases, slogans, buzzwords and tag lines. Whether they define a company or part of a mission statement of an institution, these mottos and mantras are designed to associate meaning and reflect purpose that directly identifies these companies and institutions with a desired personification. They are the representation of who they are and the values that they promote. People, like companies and institutions, are similarly defined by personal axioms, albeit not those that are affixed to our bumpers or refrigerators nor appear on our business cards or letterheads. Rather, it is our attitudes that establish who we are and how we are viewed by others.

Thomas Jefferson once remarked, “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” Much can and should be said about the manner in which we think, and how our attitudes are entirely founded upon our thoughts and perceptions. Through my coursework, certification process and experiences employing CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), I have gained great insight to the inner workings of the mind and how essential a positive attitude is in life in general and education in particular.

Dr. Ben Martin who has written on matters of depression, ADHD, anxiety and several other areas of human behavior, defines CBT as, “a short-term, goal-oriented psychotherapy treatment that takes a hands-on, practical approach to problem-solving. Its goal is to change patterns of thinking or behavior that are behind people’s difficulties, and so change the way they feel … CBT works by changing people’s attitudes and their behavior by focusing on the thoughts, images, beliefs and attitudes that we hold (our cognitive processes) and how this relates to the way we behave, as a way of dealing with emotional problems.” It is troubling, however, that such “treatment” is reserved to just that, treatment. I would propose that we would all infinitely gain and deeply appreciate a taste of CBT, and, furthermore, so would our schools.

It is indeed our culture that has created the phrase “attitude of gratitude.” Yet, gratitude is not the only attitude we desperately need to nurture among our youth population (and adult), though it certainly is one of the more vital virtues. Our attitudes require an entire overhaul. Albert Einstein was astute in his observation when he said, “Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.” Our attitudes are the foundation of our character, and if we wish to help develop and support our students’ positive character, then we must dedicate more time to address them.

Hans Selye, the Hungarian-born endocrinologist who spent a lifetime researching the phenomenon of stress, remarked, “Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one.” Particularly in an age where anxiety is rampant, we must place more attention on producing resilient students with strong, positive attitudes. We must “stress” the importance of building quality attitudes, primarily through proper modeling. We must highlight how crucial a positive attitude is. And how grateful we must be when we have achieved one for then we would have established the most distinguished and fulfilling slogans for ourselves.

“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.” Winston Churchill

Really on a Role

“I have to tell you, I'm proudest of my life off the court. There will always be great basketball players who bounce that little round ball, but my proudest moments are affecting people's lives, effecting change, being a role model in the community.” - Magic Johnson

During a recent lunch table discussion among teachers, the topic of role models in sports came up. The debate was on - are athletes role models or not? Should they be role models or not? By virtue of the fact that kids watch, admire and adore them, does that require them to become something they did not set out to be? The first athlete that clearly came to my mind was Charles Barkley, the NBA Hall of Fame star, who was quite outspoken about the issue. He claimed, “I’m not paid to be a role model; parents should be role models,” and, “Just because I dunk a basketball doesn’t mean I should raise your kids.” While the point can be disputed, I believe that one thing is for certain - the role models our children choose for themselves must be positive ones.

But how do we achieve this? How are we assured that they will choose wisely?

In truth, our children have many role models. While some look up to athletes, there are also actors, music stars and other personalities within pop culture. Then you have historical or political figures, human rights activists, innovators and perhaps even the occasional religious icon. However, there is always a common denominator among children's role models - their parents. As parents, we form the bedrock of our children's reality, the foundation of their early aspirations and the core structure of their life-long values and beliefs. Our children's role models are predominantly selected based upon the values we embody and demonstrate in our lives as well as our own role models we choose to popularize, frequently speak about, admire and assign glory to.

Then there is school. From their earliest years, children have warm, caring and nurturing teachers that help set the tone for their learning profile. From Lower School through Middle School, strong relationships are formed, motivating students towards a concrete academic and emotional path while building memories that last for lifetimes. An endless stream of gratitude towards teachers have flooded websites, blogs and books, while libraries of unwritten volumes remain stored within the hearts of scores of people that attribute their success to perhaps even a single teacher.

It is time to merge the two worlds - the one within the home and the one within the school. In a world that often perpetuate criticism as sharp political commentaries fill the media, harsh personal sarcasm spreads throughout social media, and character defamation engulfs coffee rooms and dinner tables nationwide, our homes and schools must become beacons of positivity if we are to create the society we would all appreciate and enjoy being part of. Parents must support teachers, and teacher must support parents. School, homes and shuls must be united in a harmonious vision of personal integrity and moral values. In short, we must all become the role models we wish our children to emulate. We must calculate our actions and words to ensure that our children will learn the skills, emotions, principles and habits we want them to develop and master. While our children may or may not choose the role models we wish for them to adopt, one thing is for certain - we will always be front and center as their constant, life-long role models.

At the end of the day, we are all here to change lives, one child at a time. As my most beloved motto goes, “To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world” (a quote attributed to Bill Wilson, Dr. Seuss and Taylor Hanson, to name a few).

One world at a time.