“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” - Winston Churchill
We live in the age of the “Like.” One would imagine, therefore, that we may feel more prone to sharing positive feedback with others while feeling happier ourselves. In a study conducted by Dr. Larry Rosen concerning Facebook’s “Like” button, 52% of the teenage Facebook users of the iGeneration (born in the 1990s) clicked “Like” daily or even several times a day. The Net Generation young adults were a close second with 45%, followed closely by 32% of Gen Xers, and 24% of Baby Boomers. It appears that Facebook users of all ages enjoy using the “Like” button, although it is more popular among younger users. Seemingly, we should be able to determine that our generation of youth would be more vibrant, positive and happy due to all the “liking” they do.
In their introduction to the book Parenting Teens with Love and Logic, internationally recognized psychiatrist Dr. Foster Cline and Jim Fay, one of America’s top educational consultants and a past school principal, write, “Research tells us that the levels of clinical depression in high schools now are similar to what they were in mental health institutions in the 1950s (roughly one in four show such symptoms).” Apparently, there is a sharp discrepancy between receiving a “Like” and truly feeling liked. Perhaps, a sense of acceptance and joy cannot be achieved wholesomely through social media.
Dr. Shelly Turkle, author of the book Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other and Professor of the Social Studies of Science and Technology at MIT, describes the exhaustion felt by teenagers as they constantly tweak their Facebook profiles for maximum cool effect. Dr. Turkle calls this "presentation anxiety," and suggests that the site's element of constant performance creates an environment where people feel alienated from themselves. With the overwhelming results from an array of studies conducted on the topic, therefore, we must question where teens in particular can find true happiness.
In an Atlantic Magazine article, Dr. Moira Burke, a research scientist at Facebook and a recent Ph.D. from Carnegie Mellon University, states, “People who received composed communication became less lonely, while people who received one-click communication experienced no change in loneliness.” Clearly, people respond positively with more substantial communications. Conversely, as Dr. Turkle determines, “The ties we form through the Internet are not, in the end, the ties that bind. But they are the ties that preoccupy.” We benefit infinitely greater from personal connections built upon meaningful interactions.
How do we bolster such connections within our teenage population? How do we encourage significant and lasting relationships when we are all engaged in digital communications at the same time?
Perhaps, one way in supporting our teens is by strengthening their and our positive self-talk and the manner in which we all problem solve. Dr. Tal Ben Shahar, a leading authority in the realm of positive psychology, states, “We maintain that it’s very important to fix things, but no less important also to look at the other part of the situation, at what is working. Cultivating what works, our strengths, our sense of meaning, acts as a preventative. We become far more resilient and are able to cope with what does not work.” I find it troubling that when I consistently approach students to share one form of positive feedback or another, their first response is, “What did I do wrong? I didn’t do anything.” Why does it appear that are our teenagers expect negativity? Is it not clear that they desperately seek to amass “Likes,” yet have a poor sense of self-worth and esteem?
Those who interact with teens have an especially colossal responsibility in building their emotional stability and well-being. In an age where a “Like” clearly does nothing to truly enhance their lives, we must all - teens and adults alike - learn to support one another with valuable, meaningful and thoughtful positive communications. As Dr. Shahar explains at length, we must look at what is going right, but furthermore, we must instill that skill in our students. We must show them all they can do right rather than point out what they have done wrong. If we are to raise a healthy generation of young adults, we must work on nurturing positive environments and inculcating positive habits and thoughts for our teens who are starving for them.
“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.” - Willie Nelson
